One year ago...

what you don't understand she quietly confided
is that I need you more than you need me 
the tiny eyes stared back confused
she thought she would hold on and never let go 

Almost one year ago to the day, we found out I was pregnant again.  It was a surprise, even though we knew we wanted another one someday.  We just weren't quite mentally prepared for so soon.  Dear husband was a new business owner, having just bought out his employer in February and I was due to be the Maid of Honor in my sister's wedding in June.  I hadn't imagined being a pregnant bridesmaid and was nervous to tell her the news.  I got upset thinking about how Bug would take it.  He had been our Sun and Moon for so long.  I was afraid he would resent the change, dislike the baby.  I was worried about how we would balance work, home, and family.  My husband didn't worry a bit.  He gave me countless reassuring hugs and smiles.  He was the yin to my yang and he was a very calming presence for me whenever I fretted.  Less than a month into the pregnancy, I relaxed into the idea.  I'm one of those odd ones that truly does enjoy pregnancy and even though the second one kicked my butt, I savored it.

Fast forward to today ~ I can't imagine our life without her.  She is exactly what I didn't know I needed.  I can't really put into words what I mean by that because our lives weren't lacking anything before her, but I truly do feel completed by having her.  I bought the beautiful artwork with the quote above while I was early in my pregnancy, before I knew we were having a girl, before I knew how much those words would resonate to me once she arrived... a gift to my future-self.

To say her brother adores her is the largest understatement I could tell.  She is his very own Sun and Moon.  There was never an ounce of jealousy. She typically awakes to him kissing her face (despite my protests to "please... let. her. sleep!) and he falls asleep at night asking for me to "put baby sister next to me."  I don't exaggerate when I say he says "I love you, baby sister" at least a dozen times a day.  From the moment she arrived, he has been her biggest fan.  The love is tangible.

The wedding was amazing!  Beautiful!  Stunning!  And my sister took the news with excitement, to my relief.  Thankfully for a forgiving waistline, I still fit into the pre-pregnancy ordered dress come June and I was actually grateful to be one of the few without a hangover the next day!

Balance remains a challenge... more than I actually imagined and maybe I'll talk more about that in the future, but it's a beautiful, chaotic life we've built... and it is perfect for us. 

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